I took some time during the final week of 2020 to quantify the connections, experiences, and choices I made during a year that will be first and foremost be remembered as wanting to be forgotten.
The first thing you need for data collection and subsequent visualizations is actually not data at all; it’s a question, and oh how 2020 begged for answers to so many unfathomable questions. I don’t think I can give a neat, succinct question that led to this list of quantifiable behaviors over the last 12 months, but at its core I wanted to remember this year in a way that was unquestionably true. Here’s how I did it:
Times I Ordered Fast Food: 56
I started with a softball data collection to count how many times I had fast food delivered. This information wasn’t too difficult to find — a quick login to my UberEats account and my year of morning burgers and late night tacos were laid out before me. I took the total of only the fast food restaurants I had delivered (McDonalds, Wendys, T-Bell, Burger King, Shake Shack, etc.), then doubled that amount to include the times ordered from my roommate’s phone. I was pleasantly surprised that the total averaged out to roughly twice a month, even with all the months spent inside. The total also rapidly declined during the summer (after the riots), which in part was because every store that was within a five mile radius was either boarded up or burnt down, and also a necessary shift in our community to support local restaurants over worldwide chains.
Prescriptions Pills I Took: 1,555
Ah yes, the tiny solutions to the long list of acronyms that plague my body. Choosing to count how many pills I take was another easy one to add to this list; it is easily the most regular part of my daily life. Everyday I take 2 anti-depressants, 1 birth control pill, and 2 anti-anxiety pills before bed, sometimes 3. I calculated the definite amount first, then added in an extra anti-anxiety pill for roughly a third of the time, then sprinkled in a few bottles (30 pills each) of migraine meds (calculated by how many times I ordered the prescription). This total does not include non-prescription meds like Pepto Bismal or general acetametaphin (I take both semi-regularly). This total also didn’t take into account how many times I missed my daily pills, which admittedly happens a 1–2 times a month, sometimes 3–4.
Times I Texted My Mom: 2,951
This question was the most data intensive by a landslide. The iOS messaging app still does not have a non-jailbreak way to easily count texts from one message thread. I gave it a Google and wasn’t satisfied with any of the workaround solutions, so I got a notebook, scrolled all the way back to January 2019, and counted. I marked the totals for how many texts we sent to each other for each group of texts that naturally fit on the screen. I didn’t go back and recount if I lost my spot, and did not include emoticon responses to messages. All in all the entire process took about an hour, and even though I’m sure there are faster ways to get the count, I’m glad I did things by hand. Scrolling through every single message between the two of us was a wonderful reminder that we stayed connected and talked nearly every day. I got to relive the two months at the beginning of quarantine when we played “guess that movie in three emojis,” the pictures I sent her any time I dyed my hair a new color (four times), and all the updates from moving my sister up to college for the first time, then back home once Covid hit, then moving AGAIN to her new apartment in Lawrence, KS (KU country.). This was the year my mom also discovered bitmoji, so I will let you imagine how that went during our year of texts.
Months Without Health Insurance: 4 Months
I lost my health insurance on September 1st, one month after I left my cushy job with phenomenal healthcare due to a disability discrimination incident. There is an endless amount of things I could say about what I went through, but the only thing that immediately needs to be said is I ended up having to leave because my employer wouldn’t accept a disability accommodation request, during a pandemic, which resulted in me having to leave and lose my healthcare, as a disabled person, during
Pieces of Art I Created: 106
After I lost my job, I made the decision to dive head first deeper into the unknown and became a full time freelance artist. This total is actually over a time span of only five months, not twelve. Counting was easy because I’m insane about file organization so it was an easy total of my exports. I made more art in photo, video, web design, graphics, design, stock assets, than ever before, and started my own small business and clothing line.
How Much Money I Made: $217
“You are not born the butterfly. Growth is a process.” — Rupi Kaur, The Sun and Her Flowers.
I took the totals from Shutterstock, Society6, and Etsy and came up with a clear indication that I am, in fact, still poor.
How Many Nudes I Took: 236
This one is probably less than the actual number, since I usually delete some random pictures that were a one time use and I don’t need them anymore. What I could count were those pics on my phone, my iPad, and then the structured shoots I took with my DSLR. Starting an OnlyFans was easily the most empowering thing I did this year. I simultaneously own the most lingerie I’ve ever had while weighing the most I ever have. Body positivity is not about glorifying or encouraging obesity or unhealthy living styles, it’s recognizing that another person’s body is no one else’s fucking business but theirs.
Times I Self Harmed: 0
Zero. For the first time since I was 16. If you did self harm this year, that’s ok too. For me, the difference was not being afraid of the intense emotion and thoughts that consume me during an episode (Borderline Personality Disorder), letting them run their course, and then moving on.
On New Year’s Eve I will be welcoming the new year with open arms, but I’m also going to give a little champagne nod to 2020 for forcing me to grow, to grieve, and to adapt.
コメント